I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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