Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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