He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
