I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
