You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
