so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
