Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
