So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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