Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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