i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
