Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
