I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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