Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize