you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
