We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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