It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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