I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
4 words: hood of his car
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
