you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
