i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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