did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
