I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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