And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
