Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Plan B is the new Plan A
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
