yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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