Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
