All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
