Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
