Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
