DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
