How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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