and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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