I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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