On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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