The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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