People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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