Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
