are you still at the devil's house?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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