Do you still have your period?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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