i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
