how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
