I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
