So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
