dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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