you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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