last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
false alarm, still single
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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