Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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