I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
