i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
