Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
