i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
