Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
