i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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