Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
