i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
