Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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