the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
