I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
