my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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