giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
