i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
