Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
