I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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