if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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