I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
