she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
