That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
