mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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