Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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