Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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