is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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